Thursday, January 12, 2012

20 Things to do with your Christmas Tree

I really titled it this just to annoy people who really WANT to read about 20 things to do with your old used up Christmas Tree.

I'm sweet, don't you think?

While we are talking about it, I'll go ahead a make a list.

1. Take the decorations off and have husband take it outside.

2. Ask him 15 times to remove it from the front porch in a period of two days.

3. Remind him to also take off the tree stand.

4. Drag it to your neighbors front porch and leave it there. Hide in the bushes until they get home and watch their annoyed reaction.

5. Sneak over in the middle of the night and bring it back to your yard. Pray that their dog is tied up securely.

6. Put it by the other pile of branches and crap that never seems to leave your back yard.

7. Leave it there for three days.

8. Decide to cut the branches off for creative reuse. Spend 20 minutes bundling children for an outdoor adventure.

9. Go outside and look in barn for branch trimming tool. Discover that they are missing, along with all the other yard tools.

10. Call husband and yell at him for not putting your stuff back. Ask him where he left your branch loppers.

11. Walk around the yard and find a variety of rakes, shovels and other sharp, expensive yard tools left leaning on trees/fences and jammed in branches.

12. Mutter a curse on husband under your breathe and consider painting all the handles Pepto Bismol Pink so that he knows that they are YOURS.

13. Yell at dogs for chasing cars.

14. Take sharp garden tool out of the children's tiny hands and notice how they have spread every toy they own all over the lawn.

15. Attempt to cut branches and realize that because your branch loppers were left out in a tree that they are now about as sharp as a spoon.

16. Listen to children whine that they are cold and hungry. Say "forget this!" and go inside.

17. Feed children, click to Project Runway and watch as your spawn destroy the inside of your house in five minutes flat.

18. Call and sweetly ask husband to cut branches when he gets home.

19. Mock husband when the loppers aren't sharp enough and he gets out a power tool.

20. Use your leftover tree branches to decorate your bare window boxes.

Voila! Recycled Tree! Pretty winter window boxes!
 I'm a decorating, recycling and time management GENIUS. And I think I really have a knack for this helpful, crafty information. I'll bet this attracts a whole new group of readers.

Sure.

Peace, Love and Unicorns,
Johi

13 comments:

  1. you got that done with as many steps as it takes at my house to do anything. Great list.

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  2. That really does look awesome! It'd look great with our 'cabin' too. (un)Fortunately I was a Grinch this year and refused to buy or put up a real tree so... I guess that eliminates me having to get off the couch. BooYah!

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  3. With regards to painting stuff pink: I worked construction for six years as an engineer. Frustrated that all my pens, office supplies, tape measures, etc got stolen all the time (the stuff I paid for with my money), I started buying rediculously disgusting girl crap ie Light Up Tinkerbell Pens with feathers, Hello Kitty sticky notes, and adorned everything else with bright pink spray paint. Therefore, if anyone did steal it, I would know and they would get teased for using girly stuff.
    Every year our friends get together for a post Christmas outdoor party and we burn our trees.

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  4. Even with all of that, your winter window box is lovely. At my house, the kids that whined for a real tree(cause I'm a fake tree person), didn't water the real one. By the time we got it out of the house it was dried up and lost all of its needles...So shameful, in the guise of night, we put it in front of another neighbor's house.

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  5. You are my inspiration, Martha Stewart. LOVE the window boxes!

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  6. Do you have a coffee cup hanging from your window box? Just curious.

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  7. Excellent Job! I love the window box. When the Things get older you will be able to convince them to do that cutting right there on the spot, once you threaten to take their car away from them. It always works!

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  8. Just so ya know, the pink handles don't work. I found this out when I thought I had a definite claim to the pink breast cancer awareness mug I brought home a few weeks ago. Two days later, after searching my house and car high and low for it, I texted Jason. Yeah, he had taken it to work.

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  9. The hubs always uses every single thing in this house....scissors, tape, stapler, screwdriver, hammer, tape measure . . . you name it, he uses it and it ends up in some random drawer or box or laundry basket. I had him buy me a girly tool set (all pink). Although, I have hidden the box and only use it if I absolutely cannot find anything else. Then put it right back and hide the box again. He would totally use them and lose them as well. Damn man.

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  10. Wow, 20 steps to get to the end of the "project"... You ARE the new Martha Stewart. I'm impressed! :)

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  11. This made me lol, then I realised you'd actually instructed me to make something. In a realistic way.

    I lol'd

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  12. I would have loved to hide in the bushes with you.

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  13. Sorry that I have been sucking at responses. I'm tired and I can't see straight. Please know that I read and cherish every comment on my blog.

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